Photo From left, Todd Bachman, his daughter, Brittany Peck, and her stepfather, Todd Cendrosky, at Mr. Bachman's home in Ohio. Credit Dustin Franz for The New York Times
Brittany Peck wasn't planning on people around the world sharing in her wedding day. But that was before a photographer captured the moment on Sept. 26, when her father reached for the hand of her stepfather to include him in the bride's walk down the aisle.
"I was behind the tree," Mrs. Peck said, "and it was actually hard for me to see. But I heard. I heard people sobbing. Everyone was crying."
That single, unexpected gesture within a stepfamily, after years of contentious custody battles and ensuing years of slow healing, has unleashed a tidal wave of emotion worldwide on social media, the good, bad, sad and joyful.
Janet Schrager, a Connecticut clinical psychologist who works with high-conflict families in divorce cases, said the outpouring on social media about Mrs. Peck's wedding may point to a desire among children of split families to destigmatize divorce. "To feel as though you're part of the mainstream, that you're not the only one whose parents got divorced, almost normalizes the experience," she said.
Today, more than 4 in 10 American adults have at least one step-relative in their family — either a stepparent, a step or half-sibling or a stepchild, according to a nationwide Pew Research Center survey.
Mrs. Peck's wedding photographs, which included her biological father, Todd Bachman, and her stepfather, Todd Cendrosky, garnered 64 million views, as of Oct. 8, on the Facebook page of Delia D. Blackburn Photography of LaGrange, Ohio.
Continue reading the main story "I know Ashton Kutcher shared on his Facebook page," Ms. Blackburn said in an interview. "It's been shared throughout the world: Israel, Poland, Australia, Canada, Argentina, Japan, El Salvador, Italy, England. And that's just off the top of my head."
Commenters on her page wrote of joyful experiences, such as one where a father pushed a stepfather up the aisle in a wheelchair so they could both accompany the bride, and sad ones of numerous weddings where fathers or mothers refused to attend because stepparents were present.
"That story struck home for me," said Dana Hickman of Felton, Pa., wh ose parents divorced when she was 2 years old and who was moved by the emotionally charged photo of Mr. Bachman pulling Mr. Cendrosky to his feet.
Ms. Hickman said that when she was planning her wedding, she wanted both fathers to escort her down the aisle. But her biological father would have none of it. "My biological dad was an alcoholic, and we had a really rocky relationship," she said.
"In the end, he didn't come to my wedding at all," she said, choking back tears. "For him not to be there, as I married the man of my dreams, it put a hole in my heart." Her father died of cirrhosis of the liver about 10 years ago.
The story behind the picture of Mrs. Peck's wedding day moment goes back more than 15 years, when Mr. Bachman and the bride's mother, Candace Cendrosky, divorced and each fought for full custody of their two daughters.
"My little sister and I were put in the middle a lot," said Mrs. Peck, 21, who lives in LaGrange. "We really want people to realize they shouldn't put their kids in the middle of their divorce."
But they do. Barbara Aaron, a divorce lawyer in Connecticut who encourages families to focus on mediation, said, "All parents say they would do anything for the kids, but all too often they are unable to get past their own pain and selfishness and they force the children to choose."
Ms. Aaron said choosing to focus on what was good in the relationship helps build a bridge to the future. "Those choices will help define how you show up at your child's wedding," she said.
Kristin Johnson's wedding in South Carolina on Aug. 22 was marked by a particularly unusual pairing: her biological father and her stepfather, each divorced from her mother, accompanied her down the aisle.
"They were both there for me — they raised me," she said. She danced with each of them as well. For her biological father, the bride said a Brad Paisley version of "I Loved Her First" played, and for her stepfather, Mariah Carey's "Hero" filled the room.
Those fathers had the luxury of knowing they were included from the beginning. Mr. Cendrosky had no idea he was about to be included. On the wedding day, he walked his wife down the aisle, sat next to her, then turned to wait for the bride to arrive. It was bittersweet.
"What dad doesn't want to walk his daughter down the aisle?" Mr. Cendrosky said. "So yes, I was disappointed."
His wife said he played such big role in her children's lives that Jeremy Peck, the groom, had asked both fathers for her daughter's hand in marriage. "Brittany had always planned to have both dads in her wedding," Ms. Cendrosky said, adding her daughter had left the final decision to her biological father.
But when Mrs. Peck didn't hear from her father as her wedding day drew near, she found the courage to ask him.
"You told me you wanted my wedding to be perfect," Mrs. Peck recalled saying. Before she could continue, Mr. Bachman stopped her and said, "I know what you are going to say, and I already have a plan," which he then outlined to his daughter.
Mrs. Peck said, "A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders that day." She did not tell her mother or stepfather.
Because her wedding was outdoors, she and Mr. Bachman traveled in a golf cart from the main house on the property to the wedding site. Mr. Bachman parked the cart behind a tree, where the bride waited. He then strode down the aisle, a determined look on his face. What happened next became a memory the stepfather will always treasure.
"I had no clue, and he reached out his hand and said: 'Hey, you had as much a part in raising her as I did. Let's go walk our daughter down the aisle,' " Mr. Cendrosky said.
As Mr. Bachman pulled him from his chair, Mr. Cendrosky burst into tears. "I thanked Todd for giving me that moment — that insane, crazy moment," Mr. Cendrosky said.
Adding to the poignancy is that Mr. Cendrosky has received a diagnosis of ankylosing spondylitis, which causes loss of mobility in the spine, along with Crohn's disease and lupus. Because of the illness and the fear that for his next daughter's wedding, he will be in a wheelchair, his wife was particularly grateful.
"When Todd Bachman grabbed my husband's arm, it really meant a lot to me," Candace Cendrosky said. "That was an awesome moment, it was magical, it was an outstanding thing to do. He made my husband's world, he really did. And that makes me feel great. Deep down I really do believe he did this for Brittany."
Ms. Schrager, the Connecticut clinical psychologist, said that she stresses the importance of children speaking up, like Mrs. Peck did, rather than feeling anxious about family rituals like Christmas, graduation and weddings.
"Parents may insist on the wedding being on their terms," she said. "I tell the c hild, 'It's your day, and it's up to you to express your needs and your plan.' "
Mr. Bachman, whose own childhood was marred by his parents' divorce and his father's anger ("My father cursed my mother until the day he died, and they were divorced 30 years," he said), is still reeling from the attention his gesture has received.
"Todd Cendrosky has been to the softball games, the choir concerts, he's been a big part of her life," Mr. Bachman said. "It's not about me. It's not about him. It's about her. We've worked so hard to get to this point. The dark days are long behind us."
Read more: Father's Wedding Gesture to Stepfather Tugs at a Million Hearts
Correction: November 1, 2015
A report on Oct. 11, about a Sept. 26 wedding ceremony, in which the father of Brittany Peck reached for the hand of her stepfather to include him in the bride's walk down the aisle, referred imprecisely to "I Loved Her First," the song another bride had chosen to dance with her biological father. The version played by the D.J. was performed by but not written by Brad Paisley.
